the terrible gift of others' misfortunes
This week three tragedies made their way down the narrow valley of my consciousness. They remind me that 'tragic' and 'magic' are bedfellows.
the first is, of course, the globally witnessed flash floods on the Tibet/Nepal border. Compassion and sadness arise unannounced. Our own problems or overwhelm suddenly seem minuscule - the terrible gift of others' misfortune.
the second and third are personal and tiny in comparison, but both have brought to light some facts I'd ignored. A deluge of fantasies I held about two kin I love drowned out by deception and covert actions.
Love remains for these two, but the illusion of holding onto a 'polished and perfect' picture of them and their lives (and including me as being held in affection by them) is, for now, over.
If I am unwelcome for whatever apparent reason - true or false - in their 'kingdom of consciousness' [see last post], why would I try and stay there? Why would I keep them in mine?
B. Lorraine Smith's recent post on Linked In entitled 'Do not meet people where they are' is recommended reading if you're curious...
It would be better to carefully engineer ways to more fully inhabit the only 'kindom' anyone can actually find: 'this', here, now.
Paradoxically, this meant doing the opposite of running away. It has involved me recognizing facts and facing the dangers of excluding the 'gifts' of things we universally wish to eradicate from this messy earth.
In an 'eclipse season' of intense digging deep and reflecting, I find I cannot banish anything from the 'kindom of life'. Everyone and everything is included - like tragedies in Nepal/Tibet and elsewhere in the world.
However, when I see my kin's behaviors from that place, the only place I belong - here, 'the kindom' - rather than a fabricated arena of hoped for behaviors, then I see them clearly for what they are.
Responses - when necessary - emerge from a space which has no agenda, desired outcome bar one that serves everyone equally, including me. I will NEVER know what that is precisely and have no option bar trusting life at its source is benevolent at heart. If I choose to limit it within a personal kingdom which is exclusive, that is my prerogative.
In the process of wading through all the shit, I see that what I've held onto as 'best for me' in the past has often been a sense of self-sacrifice. How ridiculous! I've secretly harbored a smug satisfaction that I am giving more to others than receiving. This has often been depleting - financially, emotionally, physically. That's a story. It is not even known in the 'kindom of life'. And I've also been on the receiving end of great riches...
Recognizing some have been downright delighted to be on the receiving end of actions taken on the basis of that story, has taken me on a journey of superiority, frustration, confusion, outrage, bitterness, self-pity, self-sabotage, sadness etc. You name it!
However, letting those fantasies rise and be washed away, and still finding my 'kindom' in tact and alive has now begun to feel invigorating.
Crawling through the mud of emotions, allowing the self-sacrificing and the spiritual back-patting dreams of being a 'kind' and overly generous person to drown, leaves only 'this'. And 'this' comes out of a backdrop which is utterly neutral. It is the ground where 'magic' happens.
I have witnessed the magic so many times – I think we all have - in the resilience of life, in the melting of hearts and unselfconscious unseen acts of kindness, not to mention the innate and instinctive response to tragedy: compassion.
'Tragic' and 'magic' rhyme. May be for a reason?
Wishing all kin the Love that allows all tears - be they coming from anger, fear, grief or anything else - to flow... while gently wiping them away.
#personal #kinning #nondual #wording